In a digital age where we’re all constantly connected to each other via technology, and sending large amounts of information on a daily basis, we may think we are effectively communicating with one another. The truth is, however, effective communication isn’t about presenting the other person with information, but about understanding the emotions behind that information. Communicating seems simple enough, but we don’t always realize how often our words and actions are misinterpreted by others, and how often we misinterpret other people. To combat this, we must all put in the conscious effort to cultivate certain skills essential for communicating and building a healthy relationship:
Effective Listening Through Reflection
There’s a difference between hearing what someone has to say, and actually listening to what lies beneath those words. One of the most essential communication skills is the ability to effectively listen to another person, and making them feel heard and understood. This creates a safe environment for people to share their thoughts and feelings without fear of consequences and judgment. By listening to someone, you are better able to understand them, and prevent any misunderstandings that may cause conflict later on during the course of the relationship. Most problems can be solved if the other person feels that their feelings are being valued and considered, and allowing them to talk when emotions are running high allows them to calm down. This is why listening is imperative to effective communication. Communicate you understood by reflecting what you heard, if you partner tells you about their day try to summarize and identify the feelings. For example, “It sounds like you felt like your co-worker was disrespectful today when they commented on your project, this caused you to feel embarrassed and angry.” Not only does this clarify what you heard your partner tell you about their day, but also creates empathy for their situation. This will help your partner feel cared for and loved when you listen and reflect what you heard them say.
You don’t just communicate with words; your actions play a huge part in how you are perceived by others, and how affectively you can communicate your feelings. Body language, such as eye contact, blinking, posture, tone of voice, facial expressions and gestures can give off a lot of information about what you are thinking and feeling, letting the other person know a lot, even things you wouldn’t want them to know. For example, if someone is talking and you’re not paying attention, you may be nodding, but your eye movement and facial expression can give you away. You can use this to your advantage and take on positive language, such as open hands, uncrossed arms, maintaining eye contact, nodding and smiling. Not everybody uses their body language to convey the same emotions, however, and cultural differences, age, gender, etc must be taken into account. You can improve on this skill by observing people when you talk to them and trying to gauge their feelings and thoughts just through nonverbal communication.
During an argument, or even a conversation, you may become stressed and overwhelmed by your own emotions, causing you to lash out with anger and aggression. It’s important to recognize the signs of oncoming stress, and prevent it from taking control of you. This will help you remain calm and collected during what could have been an emotionally charged situation. By staying calm, you are able to listen and understand what the other person is saying, as well as better convey your own thoughts and feelings. Everything will be clearly talked out and problems can be solved effectively. Before reacting with anger, clarify what you heard. You might find out that is not what your part intended to convey. For example, you could ask “I’m really upset because it sounds like you thought I was an idiot for moving the bills off the desk and onto the chair, but I was only trying to make room to fix your laptop.” This conveys your emotion, why you did what you did and clarifies what you thought your partner is saying. This will allow your partner to then clarify their position and attempt to move you to a resolution.
These skills are absolutely essential for communication in relationships, as without them, there can be a high level of conflict which may eventually damage and weaken your bond. By applying these skills, you will see a definite improvement in your personal and professional relationships.
Need further help, therapy can teach you better communication tools. Contact Jennie Marie today for a session at www.Hope-Therapy-Center.com