Different societies and cultures have preconceived notions of what marriage should be like. People prepare for the grand wedding day rather that what lies ahead…marriage. People want to avoid pre-marital conflicts to maintain peace and convince themselves that they have found the one. They try to avoid conflict, thinking that this should be what a honeymoon ideally is. However, the real world comes with its problems and stressors. Here are common myths about pre-martial conflict.

If you fight…it’s doomed

It’s natural for tensions to arise when two people are entering into a relationship. You feel confused about how things would turn out. Fighting is often mistaken for lack of compatibility. You are jumping to illogical conclusions if conflicts make you question the relationship. Since relationships move through different stages, there are bound to be conflicts. According to Dr.Gottman, conflicts could be used an opportunity to understand your partner’s feelings and opinions and encourage them to grow with their thoughts and feelings. 

You need to resolve every argument

It’s important to understand what you cannot compromise on or what you cannot give up. A healthy marriage is a balance between self-assertion and being considerate to your partner’s needs. You may need to compromise sometimes to meet their needs and vice versa. Marriage is a lifetime work in progress. Sometimes, taking time out could help you collect your thoughts and feelings and going back to your partner to listen to their perspectives. 

Engaged people don’t betray

Wedding planning comes with its stressors and the partner could resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as drinking too much or partying a lot. Betrayal could happen in different forms, not just with cheating on the partner with another person. Learn to manage time and stress in healthy ways. Take out time for each other without talking about the wedding. 

Are you experiencing pre-marital conflict? One of our therapists can help you and your partner create a strong foundation for your marriage to start on.